


Anything Goes

by Ralcemns



Category: Anything Goes, Gilmore Girls, Gravity Falls
Genre: F/M, rated teen just because of drunkenness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 01:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6833806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ralcemns/pseuds/Ralcemns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper Pines is a stowaway on a boat after he abandons his previous girlfriend, Wendy Corduroy, to chase after Rory Gilmore. Unfortunately Dipper finds that she is to marry the Rich Logan Huntzberger, so he teams up with Stan Pines, Mabel Pines, and his ex-girlfriend Wendy to change her mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically the plot line of the play Anything Goes, but with one of my ships and other characters of their universes cast in those roles. One thing I'm changing: Wendy and Logan do NOT get together (because I don't ship that), even though they basically play the parts of Reno and Evelyn. I've only seen the play once, so I'm only including lines from it that I remember, which even then probably won't be spot on.
> 
> Any characters who I can't really think to replace will remain identical with the play's.
> 
> Sorry for not having Lorelai Gilmore as Rory's mother, but Lorelai just didn't seem the type to force her daughter to marry a rich guy just so she too could be rich.

Dipper Pines found his boss, Elisha Whitney, at the bar. "You know you have an early boat to catch tomorrow," he reminded him.  
"Oh, and you've got to take care of some stock investments I've made," Elisha remembered. "You won't be going on the boat."  
"What?!" Dipper exclaimed accidentally. He'd wanted to meet someone on that boat.  
"That's right," Elisha confirmed, a little too tipsy to be enraged by the outburst. He put on the hat of the sailor next to him, so Dipper corrected the mistake by switching the headwear.  
"See you when I get back," his boss farewelled, leaving.  
After muddling a bit in disappointment, he remembered something. "Bartender, did anyone come in earlier asking for me?" he asked.  
"A young woman came in," the bartender confirmed.  
"Was her name Rory?" Dipper inquired excitedly.  
The bartender answered, "No, her name--"  
"It was me," a different voice interrupted. Dipper turned around to see Wendy Corduroy waltz into the room.  
"Hello Wendy," Dipper greeted.  
"Hello Dipper," she responded. "Y'know, I'm going to London tomorrow."  
"London?" Dipper repeated. "Well, have fun on your trip."  
"Yeah, but I'll miss you," Wendy mused. She paused. "Say, why don't you come to London with me?"  
"Me?" Dipper questioned.  
"Yeah, you!" Wendy teased. "Whaddaya say?"  
"Gee, Wendy, I can't," Dipper said.  
Wendy frowned. "Why not?"  
"I'm in love, Wendy," Dipper admitted.  
"Who is she?" Wendy inquired.  
"A girl named Rory Gilmore," Dipper explained.  
"Oh," Wendy said, disappointed. After a moment, she added, "I had it in my head that you'd wanted to marry me!"  
"How did I send that message?!" Dipper questioned. "All I did was treat you with respect!"  
"... Yeah," Wendy agreed.  
"Well, I'm sorry, but I really do love that Rory."  
"Okay," Wendy sighed, disappointed, and she left.  
Dipper followed a while after her, but all he thought about was how he could get onto that boat and get to his love.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, but I'm going to present Mabel as NOT Dipper's sister, due to storyline. You'll see why when I introduce her, I hope.

"I've got to find a way to get on that boat," Dipper mumbled to himself as he paced the dock. Every now and then he'd ask a passerby for an extra passport, since he hadn't one; even a minister who passed by.  
A few moments later, some security guards came. "Have you seen a minister around here?" they asked him. "He's in disguise; he's a gangster!"  
"Uh, that way," Dipper pointed, showing them the direction that he just saw a minister walk.  
"Thank you, sir!" the security guards said as they rushed off towards him and he was arrested. Dipper paid no mind.  
"Do you have an extra passport?" he asked a young woman with yet another minister.  
"We do!" the woman said brightly.  
"Give it to him," the minister urged her, "we owe him!"  
Dipper glimpsed the name in the passport he was handed. "Where the heck does someone get a name like that?"  
"The yellow pages!" the woman answered cheerfully, and she and the minister were on their way to the boat. Now that Dipper had a passport, so was he.  
He was off to pursue Rory Gilmore.


	3. Chapter 3

Dipper wandered around the boat for awhile looking for Rory before coming upon her mother.  
"Have you seen Rory Gilmore?" he asked her, assuming his fake identity and pretending not to know she was her mom.  
"She's probably off with Logan somewhere," the lady stated.  
"Logan?" Dipper questioned.  
"Yeah, the wealthy Logan Huntzberger!" she explained. "She's gettin' married to him on this boat sometime soon."  
"Married?!" Dipper exclaimed.  
The woman nodded and moved along, leaving Dipper to his thoughts.  
Much later, to his luck, he found Rory with her husband-to-be, who was dreadfully seasick.  
"Dipper?!" Rory exclaimed when she saw him.  
"I hear you two are getting married! Congratulations!" Dipper greeted. He said it fairly sarcastically.  
Now he took advantage of Logan's sickness. "You know what food you've got to serve at the wedding?"  
"Food?" Logan repeates queasily.  
"Yeah, food!" Dipper reiterated.  
"Dipper!" Rory scolded, but he kept going.  
"Lamb is a fine meat! Serve that at the party!" He continued, "Did you taste this boat's lamb yet? The chef cooks a mean lamb!"  
"I had a bit too much..." Logan replied. "Excuse me!" he said quickly, then ran off, probably to find a decent place to vomit.  
"Dipper!" Rory scolded yet again.  
"What can I say," Dipper added, "you can't keep me away!"  
"Dipper, I'm marrying Logan, as you so obviously know," she stated. She kept using his name for some odd reason.  
"But why?" he questioned sincerely now. "Remember when we first met?"  
"In the taxi..." Rory recalled.  
"Didn't you have the most wonderful time?"   
Rory hesitated. "I have to marry Logan!" she claimed, and she went back to her fiancé. Dipper slouched in defeat.  
He also remembered the minister he'd taken a passport from. He decided to seek wisdom on his situation, and sought him out.


	4. Chapter 4

Dipper knocked on the door.   
After a while of what sounded like hasty scrambling about, the people inside said, "Come in, come in!" to him. He opened the door.  
"Minister, I've got a problem," Dipper announced.  
"Sit down," the minister instructed, having nothing else but his own bed to sit on. Reluctantly, Dipper sat.  
"What's your problem?" the minister asked.  
"I'm in love with a girl, but she's marrying another man," Dipper explained. "What should I do?"  
"You could steal her and marry her first!" the minister suggested.  
"What?" Dipper said, confused.  
"Or... you could kill this other man!" the minister suggested secondly.  
"Pardon me, but I'm starting to get the feeling that you're not a minister," Dipper observed.  
"Tell him!" the woman whom Dipper saw with him earlier demanded.  
"Alright..." the supposed minister said. "I'm NOT actually a minister! I'm a gangster; a public enemy!"  
The woman giggled a little. "Public enemy #13!" she added.  
"Whatever," the gangster brushed off. "I'm Stan Pines, that loud-mouth over there is Mabel, and we'll do whatever to keep your mouth shut!"  
"Then I'd really like you to help me win over Rory!" Dipper said.  
"I meant that in a much more threatening way... but okay!" Stan agreed.  
"First of all," Dipper noted, "my boss is on board as well, and I'm not supposed to be here."  
"He wears glasses?" Stan asked.  
"Yeah."  
"Then I'll just take his glasses!" Stan concluded, and he strolled out the door.

Stan knocked on Elisha Whitney's door. "I didn't expect you so soon," the man greeted; he was obviously drunk and had been waking for someone else. He realized that once Stan had stepped fully into the room.  
"Why are you here, minister?" Elisha questioned.  
"I'm collecting tithe!" Stan explained.  
"But... service is tomorrow," Elisha argued.  
"And are you going to service?"  
"No."  
"Then pay up," Stan said, tipping his hat for Mr. Whitney to drop his money in. Thinking quickly, he added, "Hey... I don't think this hat is mine... would you mind looking in there at the label?"  
The drunken Elisha complied, nearly sticking his entire head in the piece of headgear. Stan bopped his head all the way in, just enough to knock off his glasses, then swiftly returned his hat back to his head.  
"... Where'd my glasses go?" Elisha asked after realization.  
"Why don't you just use your other pair?" Stan asked him, walking towards the door.  
"I don't have another pair," Elisha explained.  
"That's what I wanted to know!" Stan said, closing the door behind him. He returned to his own room.

"I've got the glasses!" Stan announced in victory as he walked in.  
"And we're safe?" Dipper checked.  
"So long as the captain doesn't find out!" Stan said. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.  
"Who is it?" Mabel asked.  
"The captain!" the visitor said. Dipper dropped to the ground and rolled under the bed to hide. Stan and Mabel resumed their fraudulent identities.  
"Minister, I have grave news!" the captain announced.  
"Whatever could it be?" Mabel asked. Stand secretly motioned for her to keep quiet.  
"I'm afraid your third roommate is actually 'Snake Eyes' Johnson, public enemy #1!" the captain informed. Stan and Mabel let out an exaggerated gasp.  
"Keep your eye out," the captain warned, and he was off on his own way.  
"They think I'm Snake Eyes!" Dipper fretted as he climbed out from under the bed. "I'm gonna need a disguise!"  
"I know where to get one!" Mabel cheered, leaving the room.


End file.
